A Beautiful Book On Loss
...and all the quotes I loved from the book.
I love when I finish a book and have that feeling of, “Wow, that was unlike ANYTHING I’ve ever read.” The Collected Regrets of Clover was 100% in that category.
I think it’s hard to imagine a joyous book on loss and grief and death, but this is exactly what this fictional book was. Our main character, Clover, is a Death Doula (which is just like a Birth Doula, but for those making their way out of this world instead of into it.) It takes the hard subject of death, and spins it into a reason to celebrate life.
And just to give you a bit of perspective—we read this for my book club, and usually we’re split 50/50 on whether we like the book or not. For this read, EVERYONE loved it and actually gushed about what a special and important read it was.
There were so many lines that stood out to me during this read, and I’m sharing a few favorites with you, below! I hope one or two resonate with you and maybe provide a bit of comfort when you need it.
On Presence
As the lights dimmed and the audience hushed, I closed my eyes and tuned into the ripples of anticipation that always came at the beginning of a live performance. That shared intimacy among strangers where, just for a moment, everyone laid aside the baggage of life to be completely present as one–a communal hopefulness.
People weren’t usually looking for a commentary to these sorts of revelations. They just needed someone to sit and listen to them without judgment. It’s tempting to try to fix it, to clear them up. But the truth is, you’ll never find the right thing to say–because the right thing doesn’t exist. The fact that you’re there, and present, says so much more.
On Regret
What had they dreamed about when they were my age? What did they wish they’d done differently now that the end was near?
I suppose dying gracefully would mean squeezing the best out of my last days and not focusing on every little regret–all while wearing a fabulous shawl, of course.
It’s easy to glamorize the path you didn’t take.
…instead of focusing on all the things that have gone wrong, think about the next right step forward you could take to move things in a positive direction.
On Passions
To observe someone swept away by the thing they’re most passionate about, most skilled at–what some call “flow”--is one of life’s great privileges.
On Transitioning
“…is it true that people talk about how they’re going on a trip right before they die?”
“Sometimes. Usually I offer to help them pack. And besides, they kind of are going on a trip. Who knows where, but it's better to let them be excited for the journey and feel like they’re prepared for it.”
On Gratitude
Gratitude doesn’t necessarily free us from sadness–or our fears.
On Fear
Don’t let the best parts of life pass you by because you’re too scared of the unknown.
On Hope
“You know, I really like what she said in her final letter. ‘We’re not meant to be in this lifetime…perhaps we’ll meet in another.’ It’s actually super pragmatic. Like, maybe we have different business with the same souls in each lifetime. And it doesn’t always work out how we want it to in every one of them.”
On Death
The secret to a beautiful death is to live a beautiful life. Putting your heart out there. Letting it get broken. Taking chances. Making mistakes.
On Parenthood
It’s so easy to see your parental figure through that lens alone, to think that their existence has always revolved around yours. But before they were parents, they were simply human beings trying to navigate life as best they could, dealing with their own disappointments, chasing after their own dreams. And yet we often expect them to be infallible.
On Grief
Grief, I’d come to realize, was like dust. When you’re in the thick of a dust storm, you’re completely disoriented by the onslaught, struggling to see or breathe. But as the force recedes, and you slowly find your bearings and see a path forward, the dust begins to settle into the crevices. And it will never disappear completely–as the years pass, you’ll find it in unexpected places at unexpected moments.
Grief is just love looking for a place to settle.
Whether you’ve gone through your own loss and are looking for a book that resonates, or just in the market for a really great novel that’s a little unlike anything you’ve likely read before, I would very much recommend this one!
What book are you loving lately?
Sending light and love,
Jess (Your Ayurvedic Health Counselor, Making Holistic Health Cozy, Not Clinical)
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Must read this, sounds so original and insightful.
Thank you Jess 🩵